it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He felt like a one man threesome
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
