so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
