when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They have beer where we have blood.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
