Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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