Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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