Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
