I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
