Farmville is her only friend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
