respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
