I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
