the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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