So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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