I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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