He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
