She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
