And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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