Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So vagazzling was a success
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
