i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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