it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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