I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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