Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
