loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
