My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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