Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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