so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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