Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
