so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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