i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
