Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
