Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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