You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
