um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
