You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
