I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
