I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
