Screwed.edu
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
