I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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