"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
