I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
