He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
