What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What a dumb baby whore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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