Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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