just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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