No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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