and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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