I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
