Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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