He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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