i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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