I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
