i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
