make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
