So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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