She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
