I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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